Change is a scary thing.

You never know exactly what to expect, but you know it’s going to be something that you are not quite use to.

I am on a life changing experimental ride, that sometimes I would love to jump off of.  Then I realize without change I would be stuck in the rutt of life that so many of us become accustom to.

I am not sleeping at night, I have found myself finally laying my head to rest at 4 am only to have to rise and shine at 6 am. Plastering the smile that I am not feeling within on my face, going about my day as though nothing is bothering me inside. 

Thursday is the day. The day my life will either change for the better or remain the same for some time to come. It is what it is. I have so many goals that sometimes I trip over the ones I have tried to conquer to get to the next set of life changing experiences.

There are so many things that I want to accomplish in my life, and I have started late. I feel as though I could possibly be reaching for a happiness that does not exsist. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I would like to just say to hell with it all and remain the person I am today.

I love my family. Sometimes though we need more then family to make us who we are. I am a mom. A wife. A friend. What am I really though? What goals have I completed in life? Completed one hundred percent. None that I can recall. Life is always getting in the way.

I put my career on hold 17 years ago. 17 years.  Wow!  Are you kidding me? Today my goals are not the exact same as they were 17 years ago. They aren’t that different either.

I have always had a soft heart for children and the elderly. High school found me working with children in a day care setting. My life took me in that direction until I gave birth to my son 13 years ago. I chose then to stay home to nurture my own children.

As I sit and think about things that have happened over the years, and the direction my life has taken. I realize that although I am a loving mother, wife and friend, I am nothing in the world of careers.

I look at my friends that all have jobs or careers, some they love, some they hate. I realize that I am a jack of all trades and a master of none.  My goal that I have revamped and set for myself is to master a trade or two before I die.

I love doing hair. I do not love HAVING to do hair. I suppose I don’t love HAVING to do anything. That is probably part of my problem. I do not like to be told to do anything.

Right now I am not where I want to be in my life, goal wise or personally. I’m going to stop worrying about all the things that have held me back in the past and look to the future for salvation from myself.

I’m a procrastinator. What can I say? It’s the truth. I want to stop procrastinating about my life and start LIVING it. There are two goals that I have set in my mind, because I feel you always need a backup plan. My goal for the next year is to accomplish those goals. Two. That’s all. Two.

I should have been a journalist. Really, seriously. Then I would have writers block and I would be pissed off and unhappy when I sat down to write. You see, the things we love to do can be turned into something we loath if we HAVE to do them.

Goal # 1 in the short term, Passing my NET test on Thursday. All the prayers will be needed, so feel free to send them my way..lol

Goal # 2 in the short term, purchasing the equipment I need to get up and running.

Goal # 1 long term, starting school in July, spending the next year learning the career of my choice.

Goal # 2 long term, within the next year having my own studio, whether renting a place or in my home, to accomplish my back up plan.

Change. It’s not always a bad thing.